Dress For Success
by ObsessiveCompulsiveValkyrie
Summary: When precious stones are stolen, it takes covert work to get them back. Dart and Cloud work together to infiltrate... an all-girl school. Humor. Cross-dressing. NOT YAOI!


**Title**: Dress for Success  
**Author**: Valk  
**Rating**: PG  
**Warnings**: NOT YAOI! Possible OOC-ness.  
**Word Count**:  
**Prompt**: Crossover: Legend of Dragoon/FFVII, Dart/Cloud: cross-dressing - Apparently Cloud had done this before; he made a very convincing woman.  
**A/N**: This takes place roughly a year post-games, so Aerith, Zack, Rose, and Lavitz won't be making appearances. And it's been awhile since I've done anything with LoD, so please don't blame me if they're OOC. I've played the game and rank it among my favorites, but I'm not sure how well I captured the characters.

I wrote this for the last round of Springkink in July and finally remembered to upload it here. I know I fail.

...

"You're kidding me, right?" Dart Feld held up the red fabric to his traveling companion.

Cloud Strife leaned back against the wall. "Sadly, no."

Dart dropped his forehead into his free hand. "This can't be happening…"

The younger blond pushed himself off to stand straight. "Hey, you want that silver materia back or not?"

"I told you, it's not materia! It's different from your magic stones! Mine is called the Divine dragoon spirit. Suffice to say it's really important and worth anything to get back."

A slow smirk spread on Cloud's face. "Even dressing like a woman?"

"Okay, I have to ask. Why aren't you disturbed by this?"

"Oh, trust me, I am." Cloud picked up his own blue dress. "I've just, ah, done this before."

He held up his hand. "Okay, stop talking. I'm sorry I asked."

"Geez, I'm not some freaking transvestite! I dressed like that to save Tifa last year!"

Dart threw the dress down on one of the chests in the old dress shop storage room and opened one of the crates to look around. "Am I right in assuming this Tifa is your girlfriend?"

"Yeah. I've known her since I was a kid." He watched the other man shuffle around and raised an eyebrow, asking, "What the hell are you doing?"

He glanced over his shoulder to give the other man a sarcastic look. "Trying to find a purse to go with my shoes."

Cloud rolled his eyes and started opening other boxes to find other necessities. With a sigh, he pulled out two blonde wigs and tossed the darker one to Dart. "Don't. Say. A word."

Dart closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hand again. "This cannot be happening…"

"My thoughts exactly. So, you want that rock or not?"

"Remind me again why you're doing this?"

"Same reason as you. She took some important stones that I need back."

"Alright, fine. So, what else do we need?"

Cloud crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "We're in this together, right? No mocking or cameras, clear?"

"What are cameras?"

"Never mind. We're in this together, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. No point in mocking each other."

"Good."

"So, what else do we need?"

Cloud closed his eyes and looked away. "Fake breasts."

…

Cloud fixed his dress as he climbed out of the carriage as femininely as he could. He looked up at the three-story building with colonial columns framing the door and ivy crawling up the walls. Dart climbed out after him and bit harshly at the inside of his cheek. "I can't believe I'm doing this… I'm just glad Shana isn't here to see…"

They started moving up to the doors with two men carrying two trunks packed with their own clothes, armor, swords, and other stuff they'd found in the shop to make it look like a young lady's luggage.

A girl in her early twenties with blonde hair and blue eyes walked over in a white dress, looking almost as uncomfortable as they were. She managed a smile and said, "Welcome to Ms. Areana's School for Privileged Ladies. This way, please."

Dart quickly hid his face from the girl as they started walking and he pointed at the two men carrying their stuff. He hissed under his breath for Cloud's ears only, "Couldn't we have pretended to be them?"

He shrugged. "Honestly. Did you think there would be any men in a girls' school?" He nodded towards the girl. "You know her?"

"Her name's Miranda. She's from Endiness, like me. She's the first Sacred Sister of Mille Seseau."

"I have no idea what that means, but if she's here, others probably are, too."

"That's what I was thinking."

"Shouldn't you talk to her and get on the same page?"

"Dressed like this? Oh, hell, no."

Miranda headed into the dormitory wing and stopped, turning on her heel. She asked, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your names."

Cloud blanked for a minute and stuttered, "I'm Cl-Chloe and this is… Darla."

Dart still kept his face hidden from Miranda by looking down at his cute red and white shoes. The blonde girl nodded and turned to continue leading them down the halls. She stopped at a door and pulled a key from her pocket before opening the door. She motioned the two guy/girls in and the two men carrying their stuff set the trunks on the floor by either of the two beds. Once they left, Miranda turned on the one in the red dress, shouting in a hushed scream, "_Dart?_ Is that you?"

He whipped the wig off his head and glared. "Yeah, what of it?"

She stared for a long moment at the hero of Endiness in a dress. Slowly, her eyes returned to a normal size and she, unable to make her voice any higher, whispered, "You… Why are you dressed like that?"

He glared and crossed his arms, still holding the wig. "Why do you think? The old bag in charge of this place has the Divine spirit and this was the only way I could get it back." He thrust a thumb towards 'Chloe' and said, "She's got something of his, too."

She turned to look at the other man. "_His?_ You're seriously telling me that's a guy?"

Cloud narrowed his eyes at the girl and yanked his own wig off. "Yes, I'm a man, you-"

Dart grabbed the other man's wrists to keep him from hurting her. "His name is Cloud Strife. He came from a world called Gaia. Ms. Areana took something of his, too."

Miranda crossed her arms. "I hate to break it to you, but she has all of the dragoon spirits. I found Kongol, Haschel, and Albert on my way in. They're all keeping cover outside."

"Have you seen Shana or Meru?"

She shook her head and Cloud asked, "What about a brunette named Tifa?"

"Yes, I have seen a girl with that name. She's in two of my classes. I'll talk to her later today. Who should I say I met?"

"Cloud. Cloud Strife. Just bring her here if you can."

"Alright. I will. I'll ask her about Shana, too."

Dart nodded. "Thanks, Miranda."

Miranda slapped a key in either of their palms. "As for you two, keep the wigs and dresses on. You need to lie as low as possible for as long as you can. You won't have any classes for three days, so I'll see about bringing this Tifa girl here after our class together."

The two men scowled simultaneously as they pulled the wigs back on.

…

Three hours later, a knock sounded at the door and Cloud half-hesitantly, half-eagerly opened the door. The two men were still dressed like women as the door creaked open. Miranda walked in with two brown-haired girls behind her.

Both Dart and Cloud averted their eyes as the newcomers studied the scene. One of the brunettes walked over to Cloud and pulled him into a hug. "Oh, Cloud, I'm so happy you're safe! I tried calling you, but I couldn't get a signal!"

He pulled her close and breathed in her scent, ignoring the fact that if anyone walked in right then they'd look like a pair of lesbians. Tifa hugged him back and slowly stepped back with an uncomfortable expression on her face. "I'm sorry… This is just awkward with the fake breasts…"

Cloud shrugged and pulled at the dress. "You're telling me that?"

She gave a small giggle. "Brings back memories, huh? At least you have a nicer color this time."

He shot her a cross look and pulled her close for a kiss. Behind them, the other girl stood in the doorway, still looking around the room. She turned to the last authentic girl present and asked, "Miranda? Why did you bring me here?"

Miranda slowly nodded her head towards Dart and sighed. He took a half-step closer and said, "Shana, before you-"

As Shana recognized him, her eyes rolled back and her knees gave out under her as she fainted.

…

A week later, no one had any ideas to get into Headmistress Areana's room to search for the stones. By asking around, they'd discovered that she used small stones as a part of the graduation ceremony as a reward to each student. They figured she must've somehow gotten ahold of their magic stones—the materia and dragoon spirits—thinking they were the stones she used.

Cloud sat on his bed, dressed in the pants he'd been wearing when he'd found himself in this world, with Tifa settled next to him. Dart was dressed similarly except that he had his black sleeveless turtleneck on, too, with Shana next to him. Miranda sat in one of the desk chairs with her legs crossed while Meru and Yuffie sat on the floor with their feet extended straight in front of them.

Meru wiggled her feet back and forth under her long, light blue dress. "I'm bored!"

Yuffie fell back, mussing her hunter green dress as she did. "Me, too!"

Tifa grabbed a plastic water pitcher from the nightstand and chucked it at the Wutai girl, konking her on the head. "Quiet, you! You're in a big mess of trouble!"

Shana sat forward and frowned at the platinum-haired Meru. "Honestly, what were you thinking? You know how important the dragoon spirits are. Just imagine the lecture Rose would give you if she were still alive!"

Meru looked down with a pout on her lips. "I'm sorry, you guys! I was just teasing…"

Dart glared at her. "And what part of stealing our dragoon spirits was 'teasing'?"

"I didn't think something like this would happen! I mean, how many times in your life do you wind up in another universe?"

Miranda sighed. "You shouldn't be so mindless with the spirits. You can't predict the future. You have to be careful."

Yuffie jumped up. "I could use my ninja skills to get the materia back!"

Cloud and Tifa pressed a hand to their foreheads respectively and hissed, "_No._" The blond continued, "It's bad enough you stole all our materia and let these people get it. We'll figure out a plan to get it and their stones back."

…

Three weeks later, they finally had a plan. Since 'Chloe' and 'Darla' were still new students, they figured they would be the first suspects for a break-in. It was left to them to distract Areana while Tifa, Shana, Meru, Yuffie, and Miranda tried to find the stones. If all loss failed, all the other guys—Cid, Nanaki, Reeve, Barret, Haschel, and Kongol—were waiting outside and could cause a scene. Over the last week, two new students had joined the ranks of Areana's 'privileged ladies.' 'Alberta' and 'Valentina' were tasked with staying with Dart and Cloud as cover.

Albert and Vincent were the only two of the other men who didn't have facial hair, fur, or weren't eight feet tall. Plus, they both had long hair, so they didn't have to bother with wigs. They did, however, have to wear the dresses.

Cloud and Tifa felt sorry for Vincent when Yuffie had first seen him in the dress. Meru had a similar reaction for Albert.

The nine of them stood in Cloud's and Dart's room, getting ready for their plan to take shape. Dart pulled on his wig as Meru spoke up, "Hey, Al. It's a good thing Emille isn't here for this."

He glared at the young Wingly. "Emille is safe in Bale and, if you know what's good for you, this subject will never leave your lips once we're back in Endiness."

She ignored his warning and cackled. "Poor Emille… The father of her baby is here… in a dress."

Shana raised an eyebrow at the king. "Emille is pregnant? For how long?"

Albert sighed. "Just barely. We found out recently and were going to make a public announcement, but Meru found her way to Castle Bale first and I didn't feel right keeping it a secret."

Cloud irritably stood and stated, "Let's just get this mess over with so we can get out of these dresses and focus on how to get back to our respective homes?"

Tifa nodded. "Alright. Cloud's been our leader, what about you guys? I'm guessing you, Your Majesty."

"Just Albert," the king said, shaking his head, as Dart said, "I was kind of our unofficial leader."

Miranda sighed. "That puts both our leaders in the same group. No offense to anyone else, but I think Tifa and I are most level-headed women."

Dart forced down his anger at the predicament and said, "I think Cloud should be our leader. He seems to have more experience in this field than I do…"

Cloud looked about ready to kill the other man, but Tifa set a hand on his thigh to stop him. She spoke, "Well, since Cloud is leading their group, why don't you take charge of ours, Miranda? So we each have someone in charge, you know?"

Miranda nodded slowly. "Sounds fair, but if you have any suggestions, feel free to bring them up."

"Sounds good. Same goes to you guys, okay?" Tifa said, directing the last part towards Albert and Dart.

…

Darla glanced around the corner and sighed. "There's Areana…"

Alberta stroked his chin as he observed the white-haired woman in her pink dress. "She seems harmless enough."

Valentina stayed silent as Chloe said, "Let the distractions begin."

Still quiet, Valentina shoved Darla in the back to knock him around the corner as if he'd stumbled. Lady Areana looked up along with the two girls she was talking to. She clucked her tongue as she walked over and said, "Come now, Miss Darla. Be a lady!"

He looked down at his shoes as the authentic women in their group snuck by in the back towards the headmistress's room. He managed to stutter, "M-my apologies, Headmistress. I just slipped. Alberta, Chloe, Valentina, and I were just on our way to find you, Madam."

She smiled at the formality with which she was addressed and gestured down the hall. "Very good, girls. Let's go to my office, then."

Chloe spoke up, his voice void of any trace of panic. "That's alright, Headmistress. This won't take long."

"Very well, then, dears. What is it that's bothering you?"

Chloe blanked then and Alberta supplied, "We were wondering about the room arrangements. You see, Headmistress, the four of us have become quite good friends and we were wondering if we might be rearranged to all share or be right next to each other?"

She sighed and delicately tapped her chin. "Well, we don't usually allow that, but I believe Miss Alberta's roommate is set to graduate this term, so I suppose I could transfer Miss Valentina to your room, since Chloe and Darla are already roommates. Would that be acceptable, dears?"

Darla glanced around Areana to see Tifa, Miranda, Shana, Yuffie, and Meru come dashing out, the latter two carrying sacks full of round stones before turning the corner towards Darla's and Chloe's room. He smiled quickly and said, "That would be wonderful, Headmistress!"

Chloe slowly started backing off, saying, "I'm sure you're very busy, Ma'am. Thank you for your time!"

"I always have time for my girls, you know. Why, if you ever have any other troubles, be sure to come to me, alright?"

They were already running, calling back over their shoulders, "Thank you!"

…

They sat in their room, all the men back in their own clothes, as the girls pulled out the sacks. Tifa fidgeted awkwardly and bit her lip. "We didn't want to waste time and Shana swore she could hear someone coming, so we didn't want to risk getting caught, so…"

Albert raised a single eyebrow. "Meaning…?"

Miranda sighed. "Meaning we ended up grabbing every stone. We have to hurry and find ours before Areana catches on. The White-Silver, Blue-Sea, Divine, and Jade dragoon spirits will be easy to find, anyway. But I don't know about their stones."

Cloud sighed. "Screw this. Bag 'em all and we'll sort them out once we meet up with the other guys. Let's just get the hell out of this place and never mention this again."

Yuffie shrugged. "Sure. I'll take all the useless ones from this world! Maybe I can pawn 'em off to some idiot who thinks it's materia."


End file.
